party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What drink are we having for lunch?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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