Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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