Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
