Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
