I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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