After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
