i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
