Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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