i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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