The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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