so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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