i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
