I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
