"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
