i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
