Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
