So drunk its hurt
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
