I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Congratulations! We have a period
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