So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
