I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize