so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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