He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
