The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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