Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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