I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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