He kissed a someone with a penis
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
