I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
