Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
