drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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