your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize