i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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