I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
