They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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