Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
