I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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