it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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