i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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