Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
