my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
