I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My pussy is not your playground.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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