Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
