He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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