found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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