the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
