CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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