Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
