don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
