I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
