Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize