it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
