My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
