You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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