Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
