just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize