I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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