hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize