Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
