Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
