Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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