and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
