in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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