The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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