Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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