I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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