we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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