he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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