would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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