the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
