so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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