Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
