I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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