yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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