Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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