So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
