can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
