What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How external is "for external use only"?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
