they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
